Impatience and the Art of Gun Jumping

     I'm good at jumping things. I jump to conclusions. I jump through hoops. In 8th grade I won 4th

place in the long jump on track and field day at school. But the thing I'm best at is jumping the gun. Which is kind of what I did with the announcement I made yesterday regarding the release of Tales of Fort Thomas. I know, I know, it's a total dick move. But I think once I explain myself, you'll understand.

    

When I create anything I want to get it out to the masses as soon as humanly possible. I have no patience. I just get my book/art/etc... out there and let the universe do with it what it pleases. I did that with Paige's Story. No, honestly, I really did. I should have held on it to for a few more months, scoured the manuscript again, and beefed up my marketing strategy. But I didn't. Now, I had a great release for Paige's Story. Sales are still steady years down the road and that's pretty okay for a self published gal such as myself. Now, to my defense, I had no fucking clue what I was doing when I published Paige's Story, so all things considered, I think I did okay.

    This time it's different. This time I know what I'm doing. I know more about marketing. I know more

about publishing, and editing, and all that. But, most importantly, I know the importance of taking my time, timing things correctly, and how to make sales count. 

    I hadn't really intended on doing an audiobook release of Tales of Fort Thomas, but after I wrote the short story 'Terms and Conditions', I just knew I couldn't deny the world the opportunity to hear Phil Thron's take on Fer after he loses his ability to swear.

    That's right. You guessed it. Phil's back and he's reading my next book! It's official! I'm excited! Are you excited? Because I'm excited! That's why I'm postponing my launch. I want to be able to give you, my readers, followers, and friends, the opportunity to experience my next book the way you want-- be it paperback, e-book, or audiobook-- from day one. I don't have a specific date yet, but I will certainly keep everyone posted once dates become clearer. ...and this time I swear I won't jump the gun.  

In the meantime, don't lose heart, there's still going to be plenty to look forward to in the upcoming months. Ben and I are working on new designs for stickers, t-shirts, and other merchandise for when we re-open the Fort Thomas PX. There will be give aways for free e-books and audiobooks on the horizon. And, of course, regular updates and progress reports from yours truly. 

Trying To Write In All the Wrong Head Space

 Scene: It's eight o'clock and time for my kids to go to bed. They turn off their video games and You Tubes as though they were on death row and it was time for them to make the long walk. They go to the
bathroom and brush their teeth and after I confirm for the five millionth time that my son is actually using toothpaste (what the hell is it with little boys and not wanting to do shit like this?) we get waters, my daughter takes her pill (chronic UTIs for the win... do people still say that? For the win? They don't, do they? I bet they don't.)

    After pills and waters, it's story time. But not yet, because everyone has to find their blankies, Cat-titos, and Corgos. Now, with stuffed animals and blankets and gathered and it's time for a story. We're reading
Matilda right now. We read a chapter... with frequent commentary from both kids on how Matilda's parents are garbage and how they are so confused as to why Miss. Trunchbull would work in a school if she hates kids so much. We make it through a chapter and of course both kids are all, "Noooooo! One more chapter!" Depending on the length of the next chapter I may or may not oblige. 

    After stories there are tuck ins, hugs, and if you're my daughter, a big long conversation about death, how one goes about getting their own apartment, and how she plans to never get married and just live with her pet beagle named Rosie. ... my daughter is six. 

    So at this point it's been an hour since bedtime began and now I have to go downstairs, sit in front of my computer and put myself in the headspace of a traumatized fifteen-year-old and her sentient android parent. 

    This is hard.

    This is hard because I worked a shift at the café that was utter pandemonium, I ran my ass off, made a nice chunk of change, came home, tided the house, got the kids their showers and then headlined the three ring circus that is bedtime. I am tired. I am tired and my mind is all, "Can I please just watch Bob's Burgers and eat a bowl full of Dot's pretzels?" But I don't. I sit down and open my computer and a have at it.  And sometimes, like tonight, good stuff happens. I get right into the correct headspace and
everything flows. Other nights I get nothing. 

    The last few nights I wasn't able to get anything really good down. I couldn't loosen my brain up enough. I've had a long week. It's nice out so that means the café has been super busy. That's not a complaint. The fact that we're starting to bounce back to normal, pre-'rona business is great. It just means I'm tired as fuck at the end of the day. Tonight I was just the right amount of tired, and focused, and with the aid of a glass of bourbon my brain was able to get some good stuff down. 

   Hopefully I'll be able to get some more quality work done tomorrow and wrap this story up. Once it's done that means it's time to start editing and putting Tales together. 

    I'm looking forward to that. 

    In the meantime, have an old drawing from 2011 of Paige, Anji, and Fer.

Why I Dislike Disaster Films and Why I'm Stuck On This Fucking Scene

 

So... I'm still stuck on the same scene I've been stuck on for the last three nights. Well, no, I'm not stuck per se. I know what I want to happen and all that right down to the dialogue... It's just I'm looking at this and all I can think about is how tired I am and how loud the TV is in the background. It's some disaster film-- Ben loves those. I don't. I think they're terrible actually. I don't like to watch realistic movies where everyone is suffering and struggling. I don't like to watch movies where kids get hurt or separated from their families. Last weekend we watched Doctor Sleep and the scene with Baseball Boy and Rose's crew gave me nightmares. It still bothers me if I let myself think about it. Now, that said, Doctor Sleep is fantastic and I loved it. I'll have to listen to the book. But still... that scene...ugh. 

    Actually, I guess that's not entirely true-- Pet Sematary is one of my favorite movies (the first one) and we all know what happens to Gage. But I think the fact that it all sort of happens off screen makes

it easier. I mean, I love horror films-- like good, legit horror films not bloodbath-torture-porn. Fuck that noise. Like, the first Paranormal Activity movie, The Exorcist, The Autopsy of Jane Doe, IT (both versions)... all stellar. But I guess that's because they're all ghost stories more or less and as far as I know, ghosts aren't real and I will probably never find myself in the position of doing a midnight autopsy on the corpse of a dead witch. And, if any demon should possess me, I'm pretty sure my anxiety and depression would make them regret their decision pretty quick. 

    Demon: Your soul is mine now!

    Me: Well, okay. If you can find it you can have it, I guess.

    Demon: Foolish mortal...wait... why're you? ... Jeeze, what's going on? Why...why is everything wound so tight in here? I mean... is something bad going to happen? 

   Me: I dunno. Anxiety says so, soooo... probably. Wanna over think it together?

    Demon: I... I mean... it just feels like everything in here is about to get into a fight with something and I don't know what it is... but at the same time I don't care because everything sucks anyway and I'm bad at everything I do.  ...Why do I suddenly feel so pathetic?!

    Me: Yeah, that's the depression. You get used to that. Want me to take a trazodone and we can both go to sleep?

    Demon: Yeah... yeah... let's do that. Maybe we'll feel better in the morning.  

    Me: Aw, you're optimism is cute. 

    And that's why ghost stories don't bother me. I can handle ghosts. What I can't handle is real life disaster stuff because I know that shit is a real possibility and not even my super nihilism powers can shrug that off. 

    To my husband, I guess, these disaster films are cathartic. He's a low level prepper and he takes

comfort in making sure we're prepared for shit like that. Those movies are like goddamned training videos for him. He loves them and I don't begrudge him that. His super prepper powers are what let us cruise through this pandemic with little to no trouble so far.

    But anyways, I'm staring at the same scene and for the life of me, can't finish it. I don't know why. It's a good scene. But I just can't seem to find the right words. And that's a problem. Because on a draft you shouldn't need the right words. The right words come later. But I can't write a draft. My brain isn't designed for outlines and plotting drafts. It's always working in final draft mode so I'll fixate on a little thing until it's just right at the expense of an hour. The funny thing is... that on the second round that paragraph will be edited and changed, and on the third go round it'll probably be gone entirely. Soooo.... there went that hour... right down the fucking drain. 

    I'm going to go back and try it again. Wait here.

     Hmm... well, what do you know. I finished the scene and it only took about twenty minutes. It's not great, but it will do for the moment, I guess. I mean, that's what I'm telling myself anyway. It will do. 

Moving on.

I've Got a New Book and Am Watching Grumpy Old Men

     So I'm supposed to be writing this blog post to talk about my upcoming book but my husband is watching Grumpy Old Men on HBO and I've never seen it before and, well... it's really good. So my attention is a little divided at the moment between this and Burgess Meredith being just the best. I mean, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau are great too, but Burgess Meredith is hilarious. I honestly can't believe I've never seen this movie. 

    Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I have a new book coming out. It's about ten thousand words from being written... give or take a shitty afternoon or bad mood. Now, before you go and get your hopes up allow me to just stomp them ahead of time. This is NOT, I repeat, NOT book 2. Sorry. It's not. Book 2 is coming. I'm working on it. But it's going to be a while. 

   I know, I know, it's been almost three years, but look, I have a day job and kids and depression. Finding time isn't always easy and when I find the time it's not always easy to write... which loops us back around to the depression. Fuckin' asshole. So, I know authors make money by selling books. No, really, we do. I know, it surprised me too. And I have found that the more books an author has, the more likely they are to sell them... especially when they have a loyal fanbase. (Thank you, both of you.)

   

    Well, I don't have a lot of books... yet. But what I do have are a lot of short stories. And you know what you can do with lots of short stories? You Ray Bradbury that shit and put them into a loosely connected collection! 

     So that's what I'm doing... with sincerest apologies to Ray Bradbury, of course. I'm taking all the Fort Thomas short stories I've been posting on my blog, along with a few others that have never been seen before and publishing The Tales of Fort Thomas. 

    Why, oh why, you ask? Why can't you just write book 2? I already told you. I am. It's just not as easy as it sounds. Also, six years passes between book 1 and book 2. (Side note, unrelated: I hope the little girl in Grumpier Old Men appreciates that Burgess Meredith sang her a lullaby. Yes, we're onto the sequel now.) Anyway, where was I? Yeah, six years. So, six years passes between books and that leaves a lot of space to fill in. 

    Look, the truth is, I know what my characters are doing every day down to the minute. It's creepy and it bothers me sometimes. But that's what happens when you've been living in the same fictional world (or a general facsimile thereof) since you were fourteen. I like to think that Tolkien had the same problem, except instead of creating my own languages, I'm creating popular movie franchises and bands for my characters to enjoy. So, apologies also to JRR Tolkien. Instead of Sindarin and Quenya I have Ice Shark 1-5 and groups like Harassing Edward and The Bathtub Marys. Yeah. I'm pretty far gone.

    So, here's the thing. Sometimes when I write, I don't actually write. I just stare at the screen all grumpy like... like Walter Matthau. And when I don't write it has been noted by reliable sources (to which I am married) that I get, well... a little affected. Like I don't just shrug off a bad day's work. I get the morbs, and not just the morbs... the super morbs, and believe you me, my depression doesn't need any more fuel for its fire. So that's when my reliable source of a husband suggested that maybe I start to get the word out for The Tales of Fort Thomas by documenting the process. It'll get everyone, hopefully, excited about the book and it'll help me to maybe not be so angry with myself when I don't have a super stellar writing day.     

    So here we go. The Tales of Fort Thomas is coming by summer this year. It will have a few stories that show you what happens after Paige's story, some that happen before, and one that actually happens right in the middle of the it. You'll get to see all your favorite characters on a more personal level. You'll get to see their private lives... the hardships they encounter, the random shenanigans they get into and all that kind of stuff. I really think you'll enjoy it. If I didn't I wouldn't publish it. 

    Right now, I'm working on a story that follows Paige and Alpha right after Paige's Story ends. Paige is trying to process her trauma and Alpha is trying to figure out how to be a parent. I'll be posting regular updates with what I'm writing and where I am in the publishing process (hopefully), and hopefully you'll follow along. 

 

Funeral For a Fish

                                                               

    Well, isn't this a surprise! I've managed to shake off the morbs long enough to write a short story. 

    When I first published Paige's Story one of the questions I got on a regular basis was "What about the fish? You mentioned it a bunch in act one then stopped...what happened?" Well, what happened was I forgot about him. My bad. I let that one slip. So, to make up for my oversight I've written this story. 

    I hope you all enjoy it.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

         I was not aware this short wasn't on my blog. This is the first of the Tales of Fort Thomas and is bonus content at the end of the audio book version of Paige's Story. If you want to hear Phil Thron take this short (and the novel itself) to another level of awesome with his top notch narration, I recommend you dropping a credit.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

A Fort Thomas Short

By: A.J. Bass

A Valentine's Day One-shot

Happy Valentine's day, everyone! I spent a large chunk of last night collaborating with Ben to get this little story written. I hope you all enjoy these little glimpses into the lives of the Fort Thomas crew. I hope these stories let you get to know them as I know them through their everyday lives both good and bad. As for this story in particular... well... it's not your typical Valentine's story, but I think that makes it all the better. I hope you enjoy it.

Of Love and Lattes

A Fort Thomas Short

By: A.J. Bass