Sunday, January 28, 2018

Jenkins, I Should Buy a Fish

I think I'm stressed.

I say this because for a week straight I've been having stress-related dreams. Usually these dreams involve me wandering around a pet shop trying to buy a fish with little success. Either I get lost and can't find the fish I want, the tanks are all empty, or, in the case of last night's dream, I find the fish I want but it keeps trying to escape.

In this instance the fish, a betta, was in a little plastic container with a lid, and every time I picked one up to take it to the cashier, it would push the lid open (they were very strong little fish) and wriggle out of the dish and flop away. OR when I managed to push it back into the container, I ended up mutilating it.

With the exception of one dream that involved my mother trashing my succulent collection (which was also pretty stressful as far as dreams go), my sleep for the last week or more has been filled with me trapped in a freaking pet shop.

Fun Fact: I love succulents. They are like weird little alien plants.

My husband seems to think the fish represents the book and my lack of success with the fish reflects my fears of it being terrible, or just me stressing out over the workload of the rewrites and my fear that I'll never be done. I don't know. I don't know much about dreams, but it seems legit to me.

But right now I have a lot on my plate, not just the book. The day job has really been kicking my stress level into high gear and something I used to really enjoy doing every day is becoming, not just annoying, but I don't look forward to going to work anymore like I used to. I won't go into details but the environment of my office has changed and it's becoming toxic.

...Wrong Toxic

I also just registered my oldest kid for kindergarten. Not just kindergarten but dual language immersion kindergarten. My little dude is going to have half his day in English and the other half in Mandarin. I'm delighted that he has this opportunity, but I'm also horrified because it's new and scary to me. I can speak Spanish pretty well and I know enough Japanese to function, but I've never done immersion lessons.  Hell, I never had the opportunity for a foreign language till grade 8.

Not just that, but he'll be in school for a full day. That's a long time in a place full of people I don't really know that well. And let's face it... I've been dreading school since before I had kids, because this is America and we can't go a day without hearing about someone shooting up a school.

Sweet Mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz, you got dark fast!

So, I suppose, along with the book, all this stuff is weighing heavily on my mind too.

To help with the book, my husband and I have set the weekend afternoons aside for me to write. Currently I'm in the cafeteria at my place of work, because the office is always open and on the weekends, the cafeteria is empty, so it's quiet. I got a fair amount of writing done for a couple hours work. So hopefully that helps put my mind at ease somewhat.

Either way, I need to get it under control.
Maybe I should buy a fish.

No comments:

Post a Comment